Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thursday was April 20, the unofficial holiday for marijuana smokers. And the late-night hosts rose to the occasion.
“Between Easter and 4/20, this has been a huge week for eating candy and rolling stuff.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Trevor Noah tried out a theory about the president that, he admitted, might have been 4/20-induced.
“I think there’s, like, strong evidence that the president is always high. Because just look at it: He forgets people’s names, he mixes up Iraq and Syria, and what do high people always do? They forget where they put things. And last week, Donald Trump didn’t just lose his keys, he lost the Navy.” — TREVOR NOAH, referring to an aircraft carrier that was said to be near North Korea last week but wasn’t
Colbert Can’t Let O’Reilly Go
Thursday was Stephen Colbert’s second night of basking in Bill O’Reilly’s departure from Fox News over sexual harassment accusations.
Speculating about his post-Fox future, Mr. Colbert turned to a novel by Mr. O’Reilly, whose protagonist is a fallen television host who murders some of the people associated with his downfall.
“So what’s Bill O’Reilly going to do now? For a little hint, I decided to turn to his 1998 novel, ‘Those Who Trespass.’ O.K.? Which, I notice, is dedicated to — and this is true — ‘the women in his life.’ Or as they’re affectionately known, ‘the plaintiffs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Patriot Edition)
“The Patriots visited the White House, and Patriots star Rob Gronkowski interrupted Sean Spicer’s White House press briefing and asked if he needed help. Reporters all laughed while Sean Spicer whispered, ‘Yes.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Paul Ryan, the speaker of the House, wrote the profile of Donald Trump. That’s what they do, they have famous people write the profile of other famous people. He said Trump always finds a way to get it done. He does? Other than his hair, what did he get done? He can’t even get his wife to move in with him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, discussing Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel put a 4/20 twist on his “Pedestrian Question” bit.
Speaking of which, weed may soon be legal in Canada. “Marijuan-eh?”
Enjoy the Weekend
Seth Meyers is back next week. Have a great weekend, we’ll be back here on Tuesday.