Speaking to him via satellite, Mr. Kimmel grilled Mr. Cassidy on a few particulars, then closed the interview by suggesting a simpler “Jimmy Kimmel test.”
“Since I am Jimmy Kimmel, I would like to make a suggestion as to what the Jimmy Kimmel test should be. I’ll keep it simple. The Jimmy Kimmel test, I think, should be: No family should be denied medical care, emergency or otherwise, because they can’t afford it. Can that be the Jimmy Kimmel test — as simple as that?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The senator didn’t immediately agree.
“Hey, man, you’re on the right track,” Mr. Cassidy replied. “And if that’s as close as we can get, that works great in government. Now, we’ve got to be able to pay for it. And that’s the challenge.”
Michelle Wolf: Where Are the Women?
The “Daily Show” correspondent Michelle Wolf wondered why Senate Republicans have put the drafting of their health care bill in the hands of 13 men and zero women.
“In that group they were able to get two Mormons — but no women. Which is weird for Mormons, ’cause normally they want extra women.” — MICHELLE WOLF
The Punchiest Punchlines (Bombay Edition)
“Bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were found to contain 77 percent alcohol by volume rather than the typical 40 percent. Here’s how you can tell the difference: Normal gin tastes like juniper with hints of lemon and coriander. Seventy-seven percent alcohol gin tastes like regret, with hints of fighting a parking meter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Centrist politician Emmanuel Macron won the French presidential election yesterday over far-right candidate Marine Le Pen, thanks to France’s unusual practice of awarding the presidency to the person with the most votes.” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
In Jimmy Fallon’s hands, ZZ Top becomes a lot wordier — and a lot further off-key.
“When I see the ‘No shirt, no shoes, no service’ sign, I always think: ‘They’re going to be sorry they didn’t include pants.’”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Stephen Colbert will welcome an all-star team on Tuesday night. His show will feature his fellow “Daily Show” alumni Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Ed Helms and Rob Corddry. Here’s a guess that “The Late Show” will break out of the host-and-guests format for something creative.
Also, Check This Out
Danny DeVito and Christopher Lloyd first came together more than 40 years ago. They’ve still got vivid memories of that first strange audition.
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