Best of Late Night: Stephen Colbert Joins Trump’s Twitter ‘Intervention’

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Stephen Colbert read a personal note to President Trump. Credit CBS

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know:

‘Please Give Up This Harmful Addiction’

Stephen Colbert pounced on recent news that members of President Trump’s staff stepped in to prevent him from impulsively tweeting. Mr. Colbert read a letter on Tuesday supporting the “intervention.”

“Dear President Trump, your tweeting has affected me in the following ways: My ratings are up. But, President Trump, some nights, half my monologue is just about things you’ve tweeted. You’re squeezing out other fun news stories. Did you know that San Francisco is opening a rat cafe? They are. That’s real. You took that away from me! We want you to accept help. Or, at the very least, autocorrect. How many ways can you misspell ‘independent counsel’? Please give up this harmful addiction and find another coping mechanism. Have you tried drinking? Because that’s what I’ve been doing, and it’s working great.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Video by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

‘The Fyre Festival of Budgets’

Jimmy Kimmel took on Mr. Trump’s proposed budget, which the administration released on Tuesday.

“It cuts programs for the poor and the elderly to give tax cuts to the rich: It’s like Robin Hood if Prince John was the good guy, O.K.? So this budget makes huge promises that it can’t possibly deliver. It could leave millions of Americans without necessary services like health care or even food. It’s basically the Fyre Festival of budgets.” — JIMMY KIMMEL


Jimmy Kimmel tore into President Trump’s proposed budget. Credit ABC

Mr. Colbert had his own harsh words for the budget plan.

“This budget is filled with brutal, senseless cuts to medical research, like $14 billion in cuts from Health and Human Services, including an unbelievable cut of 19 percent from the National Cancer Institute’s budget. Listen, Trump said we’d be sick of winning, and he is ready to deliver on the first half of that sentence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“The budget also calls for major cuts to the Centers for Disease Control. So whenever that thing inside Steve Bannon bursts out and goes airborne, we will not be prepared to handle it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

U2 Plays ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’

Was this the first time Bono ever stopped himself from talking? He and the rest of U2 cut off an interview in the middle to perform “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” And how about that “audience”?

Video by Jimmy Kimmel Live!

The Punchiest Punchlines (Papal Edition)

Video by Late Night With Seth Meyers

“President Trump will meet with Pope Francis tomorrow at the Vatican. “‘I can’t wait to ask him why he wears that ridiculous thing on his head,’ said the pope.” — SETH MEYERS

“It’s been reported that O. J. Simpson could be released from prison this year. When he heard this Donald Trump said, ‘Finally, someone to play golf with.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“A man in Russia recently proposed to his girlfriend by hiding a ring inside his stomach wound and asking her to change the dressing. And this is exciting: She said, ‘… gross.’” — SETH MEYERS

The Bits Worth Watching

“Ready the orbs.”

Video by Team Coco

And from a far-off corner of the internet’s obsession with animals, a recurring “Late Late Show” bit appeared.

Video by The Late Late Show With James Corden

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Video by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

If we haven’t completely exhausted our appetite for presidential drama in the real world, there’s always “House of Cards,” a beloved Netflix thriller. It returns for a fifth season next week. One of its stars, Robin Wright, will talk about it with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday. Paul Simon will also make an appearance on “The Late Show.”

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Rihanna, center, was honored at the Parsons School of Design benefit this week. Credit Amy Lombard for The New York Times

Rihanna is more than a pop star. She’s now “officially made the transition from fashion plate to fashion force,” our columnist said.

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