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News Flash: Mass Extinction Is Bad for Business
Jimmy Kimmel reacted to the president’s speech on Thursday announcing the United States’ withdrawal from the Paris climate agreement.
“It made sense that he did it from the Rose Garden, while we still have roses and gardens.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“By the way, it isn’t just environmentalists who want us to remain a part of the Paris accord. Exxon Mobil lobbied for us to stay in it. Shell wanted us in it. Walmart supported it. Because apparently these big companies ran the numbers, and it turns out if climate change destroys human life on Earth, it could be bad for business.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
‘Flipping Off the Entire World’
On “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah kicked things off by talking about the Mr. Met mascot, who had made an obscene gesture to fans the night before — but segued into the Paris news.
“Let’s move on from one white mascot flipping off a few fans to another, who’s flipping off the entire world,” Mr. Noah said.
“Telling nature to go [expletive] itself while standing in a garden is a pretty gangster move. I’m not going to lie. The only way that could have been more messed up is if he did it with a polar bear standing in the background, although I’m sure Eric would have shown up and shot the polar bear. ‘Father! Look what I brought you! Do you love me now?’” — TREVOR NOAH
Al Franken Gets Along With Jeff Sessions. Really, Though?
A day after appearing on “Full Frontal With Samantha Bee,” Senator Al Franken sat down with Mr. Noah. The two discussed Mr. Franken’s new book, “Giant of the Senate,” in which he describes Congress’s tradition of bipartisan comity.
TREVOR NOAH: A lot of people don’t think of senators and congresspeople as humans.
AL FRANKEN: [looks offended]
NOAH: What’s nice is, in the book we hear the stories of you as people — as friends. I found it strange, though, that you talk about being friends with people like Jeff Sessions.
FRANKEN: Jeff Sessions, who I gave a hard time during his confirmation hearings. I told him the day before, ‘Eat your Wheaties.’ I warned him. His wife knit a baby blanket for my first grandson. Aww!
NOAH: Yeah, I mean, I get that. But then some people would be, like, ‘Yeah, and he’s pushing for maximum sentencing for —’
FRANKEN: Yeah, well, that’s why I voted against him and why I gave him a hard time. But it’s hard to hate a guy whose wife knit a baby blanket.
NOAH: Why not hate the guy — and like his wife for knitting the baby blanket?
FRANKEN: Oh, that’s what I should have done!
The Punchiest Punchlines (Paris Edition)
“After the Earth’s temperature crosses a certain threshold, we may not be able to go back. It’s like telling your girlfriend her friend is hot. That problem is man-made — and irreversible. You can never take it back. ‘I said it one time, baby. One time! Yeah, she’s still hot, but that’s not the point!’” — TREVOR NOAH
“I really hope that when the ice caps melt, it ruins every rug at Mar-a-Lago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
“Is it hot in here, or did I just pull out of the Paris accord?”
There was once a young man called Covfefe.
Enjoy the Weekend
Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon and James Corden all return from vacation next week. The Times Late-Night Committee will be right here to tell you about it.
Also, Check This Out
Is TV entering a musical golden age? The song selections on top shows are more varied and visionary than ever, James Poniewozik writes.